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Worst Blog Of The Month: Answers For The Faith

Answers For The Faith is a blog that reviews current and upcoming movies and television programmes. Pretty handy right? We all like to read a little about what we might want to watch ahead of actually watching it. We like to find out the plot outline, the cast, the writers and director involved, and whether or not it might actually be any good. So Answers For The Faith should follow a pretty standard format for reviewing media – except the blog writers seem to go through the strenuous task of watching all these films and telly programmes just so that they can lay out the whole plot for the reader.

Paragraph by shitty paragraph, they describe every key event that happens in the story, so that you will never take pleasure in finding out for yourself. And they do all this with nothing but good intentions, even going to the trouble of highlighting the moral standings of the characters within their fictional communities and whether or not this might rub off on you spiritually.

Take, for instance, a review of the new Narnia movie: “Evil represented by a green mist in the movie preys upon the weaknesses and obsessions of the 3 children in particular.”

The reviewer then goes on to outline the entire rest of the plot (warning: will contain spoilers):

“Eustace ends up being turned into a dragon and everyone aboard the Dawn Treader ends up battling a sea serpent. Oh yes, along the way they finally meet up with Aslan who puts their whole adventure and lessons to be learn into a useful spiritual perspective. A great movie for the whole family.”

Well I’m glad everything was put into a ‘useful spiritual perspective’ by the end of the movie. I know these films are largely predictable, but after ruining my experience of figuring the plot out ten steps ahead of the characters, he has the cheek to drop in a recommendation for my family to see it. Thanks.

Harry Potter & the Deathly Hallows is also partially condemned for being “way too long and emotionally exhausting”, and heaven forbid you take your young Potter-fanatic children with you to the cinema because “parents should really take the PG-13 seriously. At the showing I went to there were far too many young children”. I’m glad this guy was brave enough to sit through a children’s film full of – *gulp* – children so that we don’t have to.

Please, Answers For The Faith, keep spreading your moralistic plot-spoiling reviews through the internet so that more people won’t have to go and see films they would’ve liked to because you’ve given away the plot for their own ‘benefit’.

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